The stories that bind us

The last few years have seen stunning breakthroughs in knowledge about how to make families work more effectively. I've tried to uncover that information, meeting families, scholars and experts. After a while, a surprising theme emerged. The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative.

I first heard this idea from Marshall Duke, a psychologist at Emory University. In the mid-1990 s, Dr Duke was asked to help explore myth and ritual in American families. Around that time, Dr Duke's wife, Sara, a psychologist who works with children with learning disabilities, noticed something about her students.

"The ones who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges ," she said.

Her husband was intrigued, and along with a colleague, Robyn Fivush, set out to test her hypothesis . They developed a measure called the "Do You Know?" scale that asked children to answer 20 questions. Examples included : Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your parents met?

Dr Duke and Dr Fivush asked those questions of four dozen families in the summer of 2001. They then compared the children's results to psychological tests the children had taken, and reached an overwhelming conclusion. The more children knew about their family's history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.

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